Realisation
by EllieBrown
Summary: Sara is at a stage in her life where she doesn't know what to  do and where to go, she is unhappy and seems to have left everything a bit too late. Just a one shot about Sara set in around season eight. I own nothing but the words I wrote :


**This is just a one shot mainly about Sara. Greg and Grissom are mentioned a bit too. It's set in about season eight, when Sara was getting very depressed and weary of all of the death round her. Please read and review, I would appreciate every compliment and complaint, and would like to know how I can improve my writing.**

**Realisation:**

She collapsed onto the bench in the locker room, her head in her hands. Tears fell down her face and splashed onto the denim of her skirt that was modestly covering the top of her long legs. She would have gone to sit in the break room, but her privacy was much more likely to be invaded in there. Although she was alone in the long empty room, she felt anything but that. She felt claustrophobic, surrounded and exposed. She was exposed. She was exposed to the voices of the people that were never coming back, that had lived their lives and were now at the end. She was surrounded. She was surrounded by the faces of people that couldn't be saved, that had lived their last day, and hadn't deserved to have their lives cut short. She was weary of the cruel world that surrounded herself and her colleagues as they looked death in its ugly face every single day.

She quickly wiped tears from her eyes as she heard the door handle turn, she sat up straight and cleared her throat. Greg absentmindedly opened his locker and changed from a plain gray shirt into a checkered blue and white one. 'Going somewhere nice?' she asked, trying not to use too many words as she didn't trust her voice.

'Mmm, I met a girl the other day, and I got her number. She has the most impossible green eyes, thought I'd give her a ring and see how the night went' Greg grinned at her cheesily.

'Have fun' Sara said half heartedly. He nodded his thanks and left the room, humming a quiet tune to himself. _He looks so content_, Sara thought to herself, why couldn't she be so carefree? She stood up carefully and straightened out her skirt, then breathed in deeply and decided to face the world. _She was a strong, independent woman_. One step at a time she decided, just one step at a time. She got down the corridor without seeing anyone she knew, but the second that she turned the corner Grissom was right in her face.

'Oh, hi' she said quietly.

'Hey Sara!' he grinned. A lot more enthusiasm showed through his two simple words than Sara could have shown through a whole book at that moment. He handed her a slip with her case details on and left her to it, going to find Catherine to tell her what her next case was.

Sara carried on walking slowly out of the lab and towards her Tahoe, she started up the engine and drove into the darkness, a black hole swallowing her up in one bite. She wished that that would happen, just so that she could stop the omnipresent pain that was burning up her insides. Sara was hurting. She was hurting badly. All of her anger, frustration, sadness and fear was bottled up inside. If someone made a wrong move or said the wrong thing all of her emotions could come spilling out in a second, like a can of soda when you shake it up before opening.

Sara had the opportunity to explode, but she never did, she was good at hiding things, she had practice. She could bottle everything up forever if she tried, she didn't have anyone to tell her problems to, no one wanted to listen. If it meant that she was the only one hurting, if it meant that she wasn't hurting anyone else, all was fine, and just as long as no one else was affected by her pain, she could lie through her teeth just so that no one knew that she was so hurt.

Why was it that she always felt the opposite of how she should? She had gotten out of her car and was walking down the Las Vegas Strip. Now that she was surrounded by life she felt totally alone. The night was dark, but no one could know that. The lights of the Las Vegas Strip lit up the skies creating energy and life amongst the optimistic people passing by. She could feel body heat radiating around her, she could see life evolving everywhere that she looked, but the voices that she was always accompanied by when she was truly alone had left her. She was by herself in this harsh world, she had left every chance she had just a little too late.

As she walked down the streets past endless bars and nightclubs she saw Greg. He was walking hand in hand with a petite blonde girl, that was all Sara could tell from the back. He was walking slightly slanted, so she could tell that he had had a few to drink. Their arms were swinging between them, they were so happy, Sara just wanted to be someone else - someone like that girl. Sara stopped slowly as the happy couple came to a halt, Greg tilted his head downwards to kiss his date gently. She returned the kiss gratefully before they turned into a club on their left.

Sara was in the way of everyone who was trying to get down the sidewalk, but that was the least of her worries. She thought of how many times Greg had asked her to come out with him, to see the town, or even just to get a coffee after a long night's work. She had always refused, and now she had no idea why, she would do anything for someone to love her. Greg had loved her, right from his first year at the lab when he was in his early twenties, she knew that he had loved her for a long time after that, she knew what love looked like. She could see love in Grissom's eyes every time that his met hers, but she couldn't love him in the same way, he was just a friend, a good friend, but still just a friend.

Greg's was such a well liked person, he had the passion for his job, the good looks and the amazing hair - she laughed at the thought of his tall blond spikes - but still she had turned him away. She had always been a deep thinker, but now was the time in her life when she had the time to reflect on her past. She wondered why she couldn't just have said yes to one date, where would they be now? Right now was when she needed someone to be there for her, someone to love her, someone that she loved back.

She sometimes wondered why she didn't love Grissom, he was so smart and understanding, he loved her. She wanted to love him, she really did, but she couldn't force emotions upon herself. She knew how she felt, she knew who she loved, she knew what she wanted, but she had left everything that extra second too late.


End file.
